Archive for category MLW

MLW 6: Rise of the Renegades (7/26/03)

Show opens with Stephen DeAngelis telling the crowd this show will be taped for TV and they will be live in five seconds. Like the last show, why show that on the DVD?

Match No. 1: Los Maximos (Jose & Joel Maximo) or Spanish Announce Team as everyone else in the world calls them vs. Jimmy Yang & Tony Mamaluke. Before the match, Joel cuts an incomprehensible promo. Supposedly, SAT is a booker’s nightmare, no showing like crazy. I’m betting Court Bauer puts them over. Huge dropkick by Yang on Joel. Yang then hits a corkscrew pescado to the floor. Mamaluke puts Joel into an armbar. Jose with a weak clothesline on Mamaluke. Yang with a nice leg lariat. Joel blows a baseball slide spot and then nearly kills himself with a moonsault to the floor. SAT hit a double bulldog. They then do a taffy machine but Joey Styles has no idea how to call it. Nice prep work, douche. Mamaluke drops Jose on his shoulder. He then works on the shoulder some more. Yang goes for a super powerbomb, but Jose hits a crazy Frankensteiner. SAT does a doubleteam moonsault on Mamaluke. They blow another double team as Mamaluke reverses it into a powerbomb. Yang with a nice double clothesline from the top rope. Mamaluke gives Jose a brainbuster. He goes to the top rope but the Maximos catch him with the Spanish Fly for the pin. Typical MLW booking. Yang put on the best show, clowns go over, Styles puts them over. Decent match, but nothing special. Rating: **1/2

DeAngelis nearly trips climbing into the ring.

Match No. 2: Rich Criado vs. Josh Daniels. A battle of two nobodies. Nice snap suplex by Daniels. These guys are trying but the crowd is shitting all over them. Daniels with a suicide dive to the floor. Crowd with a “You still suck” chant. Huge backbreaker by Criado. Match starting to drag. Huge brainbuster by Criado. FansĀ  really giving it to him. Release german suplex by Daniels. Criado with a sitout scoop slam piledriver (Michinoku Driver II) but Daniels kicks out. Daniels with a dragon suplex for the pin. Pretty good match despite the idiot fans. Rating: ***

Match No. 3: Da Hit Squad (Monsta Mack & Mafia) vs. Samoan Island Tribe (Samu & Ekmo). DHS is back months after breaking up in ROH. Let’s see if Court Bauer jobs them, which I expect. DHS is actually dwarfed by the Samoans. They brawl right away. Ekmo sets up a table and goes to spear Mafia, but he moves and Ekmo destroys the table. DHS then doubleteam Samu in the ring. Ekmo then superkicks Mafia. DHS with a double suplex on Ekmo. Mafia puts him in a leg lock and then Monsta hits a frog splash. DHS would have gotten the pin but Samu pulls the ref from the ring. Wow, Ekmo catches Monsta and then gives him a swinging side slam (Styles calls it a uranage). Samoans working over DHS now. Samoans throw referee Mike Keener over the top rope. Security comes to the ring. I guess that means its a DQ. Well, the good news is that Court didn’t job DHS. The bad news is that he came up with a weak fucking finish. They continue to brawl with security in the ring. Piss poor finish downgrades average match. RIP Eddie “Ekmo” Fatu. Rating: **

To show that they are an ECW mark promotion, MLW has hired Atlas Security and their huge guys with mullets.

Match No. 4: C.W. Anderson vs. Steve “Dr. Death” Williams. And speaking of ECW ripoffs, here is C.W., who attacks Williams right away. Williams recovers. And then hits a crazy cross body block to the floor. Doc sets up a table and nearly fucks up throwing Anderson into it. Table is on the ground with one side raised and Anderson snap mares Williams onto it. The leg breaks and the table falls several inches to the floor. Worst fucking use of tables ever. Williams tries to clothesline Anderson into the front row. He fails. Then he throws him into the crowd. Lame chair shot by Doc. Anderson kicks chair into Doc’s face. He then gives him a lame chair shot. Anderson working on Doc’s arm. Anderson hits a belly to back suplex. Crowd is nearly dead and I’m falling asleep. Clothesline by Williams but he hurts his arm. Anderson catches Doc with a superkick after two weak shoulder blocks. Williams goes for a power slam, but Anderson’s legs hit the referee. Weak ref bump spot. Simon Diamond superkicks Williams but he kicks out. Sandman chases Diamond to the back. Williams hits a high angle belly to back suplex (Backdrop Driver) for the pin. Another average match and another overbooked match. RIP Doc. Rating: **1/2

Match No. 5: Jerry Lynn vs. Homicide. Lynn comes out with James Mitchell. Before the match, Lynn cuts a promo on Paul London for leaving for WWE. Lynn attacks Homicide at the bell. Ok, let’s see, Lynn is the heel and Homicide is the face. Nice booking, Court. Homicide does a nice satellite headscissors. Lynn works over Homicide outside the ring. Homicide is being book liked a pussy, good job Court. Homicide finally on the offensive. But that is short-lived. Homicide is holding his jaw. Lynn drops Homicide face-first on his knee for a near fall. Homicide with a somersault tope (Tope con Hilo) to the floor. Lynn hits a running sitout powerbomb for a near fall. Lynn with a fireman’s carry cutter. Homicide fucks up a spot. Lynn escapes from back to back double underhook piledriver (Da Cop Killa). Lynn hits a hurricanrana but Homicide rolls through for the pin. Strange match, flashes of good and bad. Rating: **1/2

Match No. 6: Simon Diamond vs. Sandman. More ECW mark booking material. Sandman’s entrance takes a good five minutes. Diamond cuts a promo. Superkick by Diamond. Sandman misses a legdrop as Diamond is draped across the top rope. He’s horrible. He nearly kills Diamond with a hurricanrana. Out of nowhere, Diamond hits a three-quarter facelock bulldog (Gem Cutter) for the pin. Piss poor match with piss poor booking of a pissed drunk has-been. Rating: *

Match No. 7: Mikey Whipwreck vs. Sabu. Yet another broken down ECW guy. Make that two. Enough already, Court. They trade blows as the bell rings. Springboard leg lariat by Sabu into a camel clutch. Poor Mikey, his back is already fucked up. Mikey hits a front kick. Mikey puts Sabu on a table. He drops Mikey facefirst on the apron. Mikey on the table now. Sabu goes for a moonsault but Mitchell pushes him into the ring. Mikey with a clothesline. Table is now in the ring on its side. Mike atomic drops Sabu on the table and he takes the side of it in the nuts. Another front kick by Mikey. Mikey takes a ddt from Sabu. Sabu sets up the table in the corner. Mikey gets put on it and Bill Alphonso holds him. Sabu goes for a legdrop but Mikey moves and Sabu takes out Alphonso. Mikey nearly gets the pin. Sabu with another camel clutch. Mitchell on the ring apron. He throws a fireball in Sabu’s face. Mikey then with several chair shots. Mikey puts his arm in a chair and hits it with another chair. Mikey then gives him a taste of his own medicine with a legdrop onto a chair to his face (Arabian Facebuster) for the pin. Mikey attacks him with a chair afterward. Decent match, although a cliche ECW tables and chairs brawl. Rating: ***

Match No. 8: Rich Criado vs. NOSAWA. Criado is back for his second match. Does this guy have compromising pictures of Court Bauer or something? NOSAWA kicking the shit out of him early. Criado hits a sitout powerbomb for the pin. No idea what the hell this is all about. Rating: **

Match No. 9: CM Punk & Michael Shane vs. Raven & Norman Smiley. Francine is with Shane. Very nice one piece outfit. Punk grabs the mic. He rips on Orlando and Disney World. Crowd starts the “You Suck Dick” chat. Francine asks the crowd who they’re talking to. Crowd says “You”. Smiley comes to the ring with GI Ho, who shows off her nice ass. Another match out of the broken ECW mold. Punk doesn’t want to start against Raven. Smiley does the same old schtick on everyone. Punk dropped by a Raven right hand. Nice spot as Raven bulldogs Punk and then clotheslines Shane. Smiley clotheslines Punk to the floor. Punk and Shane doubleteam Smiley with kicks. Heels do a phantom tag. Nice suplex by Punk. Then they do a doubleteam suplex on Smiley. Francine gets into the act with a choke on Smiley. Raven with a huge kneelift on Punk. Raven sets up a chair. He gives Shane a drop toehold on the chair. And does the same to Punk. Raven gives Punk a flowing snap ddt (Raven Effect) but Francine breaks it up. GI ho comes in and we get the cat fight spot. Shane gives Ho a superkick. Shane with two chairshots on Smiley. Shane goes to hit Raven with the chair, but Raven ducks and he hits the top rope and hits himself. Raven goes to give him the Raven Effect, but Punk throws powder in his eyes. Punk gives Raven the Raven Effect for the pin. Decent match, but piss poor booking again. We had fire two matches ago and no powder. What’s next, salt in the main event? Rating: **1/2

Match No. 10: Terry Funk vs. Abdullah the Butcher. This match is sad on so many levels. You should be ashamed, Court. At the time, Funk was 59 and Abby was 62. Steve Corino comes to the ring. Funk cuts a promo that we can’t hear. Corino cuts a promo on Funk. Semi-entertaining. Corino says he sent Abby home. Then, of course, when Funk confronts Corino, Abby jumps him from behind. Abby then opens Funk up with a broken bottle. Funk is a mess. He’s also bleeding from his arm. Abby breaks out the trademark fork. Funk gets the fork and digs it into Abby’s scar tissue divots in his forehead. Abby gives him a nut shot with the fork. Haven’t seen that one before. Funk replies with several nut shots of his own. Funk throws a chair at Abby. Abby is one fat fucker. But I would go to his restaurant. Out of nowhere, Funk does a cross body block and pins Abby. This was an old school blood bath not much else to say. An extra star for these guys taking this abuse at their respective ages. Rating: ***

Match No. 11: Mike Awesome vs. Steve Corino for MLW title. And the ECW theme continues, of course. Mike has an Awesome mullet. Awesome attacks Corino at the bell. Awesome hits a release german suplex and then clotheslines him to the floor. Corino backdrops Awesome into the front row. Awesome hits a slingshot shoulder block. Followed by a clothesline. Corino brings a chair into the ring. Chair shot to the head. And another. Corino then ends with a shot to the back. Corino to the top with the chair. Awesome catches him. Huge superplex. Corino barely kicks out. Awesome with three chairshots to the head on Corino. Awesome to the top and he hits a huge chair shot on Corino. Awesome with a sitout powerbomb (Awesome Bomb). Awesome back to the top. Frog splash (Awesome Splash) but Corino kicks out. Awesome brings a table into the ring. He then brings in a second one. Awesome sets up a table in the corner. Awesome goes to throw Corino into the table but he escapes. Awesome goes to clothesline Corino but he ducks and Awesome decks referee John Finnegan. Corino with a superkick but no referee. Awesome gives Corino a throwing crucifix powerbomb into the table. He does the same thing into the second table. He covers Corino but Finnegan slowly counts and Corino kicks out. Fans chant “Bullshit” and they must be talking about the booking. Corino hits Awesome with something but Awesome kicks out. Diamond and Anderson attack Awesome and then hold him. Funk comes out and cleans house with a trash can. Funk throws a chair at Corino but he ducks and it hits Awesome in the face. Corino then covers him for the pin. Bullshit, overbooked Dusty finish. Heels attack Funk afterwards. Corino chokes Funk with tape and then they hang him over the top rope. Dr. Death and the Sandman make the save. Rating: **1/2

Match No. 12: Sandman & Williams vs. Corino & Anderson & Diamond. Sandman challenges heels to an impromptu match. Fans start a “Pussy” chant. They brawl outside the ring. Faces will get a title shot if they win the match. Anderson hits a spinebuster on Williams. Heels hit a triple superkick on Sandman. Funk comes out to even the odds. Funk hits a stunner on all three heels. Sandman hits a senton on Diamond for the pin. Corino and Funk still fighting outside the ring. Now they are behind the bar. Funk is breaking glasses over Corino’s head. Sandman goes into the crowd as his music. Another average match, although this may have been the best due to its length. Rating: ***

MLW 5: Hybrid Hell (6/20/03)

Typical MLW. Ring music is fucked up right off the bat. And they don’t edit the fuck-up off the DVD. Christopher Daniels comes out with Daniels and cuts a promo on the fans. Lynn also rags on the fans. He then cuts a promo on Paul London for not showing up. He says he will take on anyone. They replay the ring music correctly this time.

Match No. 1: Jerry Lynn vs. Kid Romeo. Lynn jumps Romeo at the bell. Place looks pretty full. They must have papered things heavily. And there probably is nobody on the hard camera side of the arena. Romeo hits a hurricanrana and a leg lariat. Daniels beats on Romeo outside the ring and then runs him into the ring post. Lynn goes for a springboard leg drop on the apron and fucks it up. Fans let Lynn know that he fucked up the move. Romeo hits a bulldog but Lynn barely kicks out. Lynn hits a fireman’s carry cutter on Romeo. Romeo hits an over the shoulder belly-to-back piledriver (Last Kiss) but Daniels distracts the ref. Lynn then hits the cradle piledriver for the pin. Decent match, but nothing special. Rating: **1/2

Before the next match, Dawn Marie comes out and cuts a promo. Who cares what she says, she’s got one smoking hot body. Must be cold in the arena, but nobody is complaining.

Match No. 2: Michael Shane vs. Homicide. Homicide gets the early advantage and Shane takes a powder. Plus he wants to get closer to Francine’s voluptuous breasts. Homicide with a nice release overhead suplex, followed by a somersault tope (Tope con Hilo). Shane with a nice side suplex and then he does and ground and pound followed by an atomic drop. Shane goes for the pin and puts his feet on the ropes. Homicide hits a nice scoop lift piledriver. Shane hits a release overhead suplex and then Homicide cracks him with a punch. Homicide nails Shane with an exploder suplex. Homicide then hits a back-to-back double underhook piledriver (Da Cop Killa) but Shane kicks out. Homicide chases Francine outside the ring and then Shane catches him with a facebuster. Homicide barely kicks out. Homicide puts on the stepover toehold facelock (STF) but Francine distracts the ref. Homicide is distracted by her again. Shane rolls him up and Homicide kicks out. Big boot by Homicide. Francine distraction again. Homicide makes her headbutt Shane in the balls several times. Enough of this shit already. Homicide goes to gived her a move and Shane superkicks him. Homicide kicks out. Ok, both guys have kicked out of each other’s finisher. Homicide then rolls up Shane for the pin. Good job by the guys, but this fucking match was way overbooked, which dropped the match quality. Rating: ***

After the match, Shane teases that he is going to hit Dawn Marie, but they embrace. Enough already.

Match 3: Billy Fives vs. Christopher Daniels. Have to admit, I haven’t heard of Fives. And its typical of MLW to have Daniels in the opening half of the card when there will be several stiffs later in the show. Fives slaps Daniels, who gets pissed. Fans not into this match at all. Huge dropkick by Fives. Fives hits a plancha on Daniels. Daniels clotheslines Fives to the floor and Lynn works him over outside. Ok, so this is three matches in a row with outside interference. Enough already. Fives hits a hangman’s neckbreaker. Fives hits what looks like a shining wizard but he doesn’t hit it correctly. Styles has no idea what to call it. Daniels hits a facebuster on Fives and then goes to the top. He then hits a double jump moonsault (Best Moonsault Ever) but Fives kicks out. What the fuck? Every ROH guy tonight has someone kick out of their finisher? Again, enough already with this overbooking. Fives does a suplex where he drops Daniels on his face. Fives hits a cutter but Lynn distracts him. Daniels then hits a rolling cutter (Last Rites) for the pin. Another match that should have been better, but was over booked. Congrats, Court Bauer. You figured out a way to book a shitty Christopher Daniels match. That, my friend, is hard to do. Rating: **1/2

Match No. 4: Spanish Announce Team vs. Samoan Island Tribe (Manu & Samu). So far, this card has been SHIT so I guess it’s fitting we have SAT vs. SIT in this match. They hit the ring and start brawling before Stephen DeAngelis can make the ring intros. Joel hits a moonsault on Samu, who looks to be 300 pounds plus. The Samoans fight each other for a second. Who knows why. Manu hits a sitout double underhook facebuster on Jose. Samu throws Joel backstage. Manu just beats the shit out of Jose. But Joel makes the save with a chair. He gives him two chair shots to the head that don’t work. He finally dropkicks the chair into his head and he falls over Jose. The SAT’s roll him up for the pin. Not much with this match. Rating: **

Match No. 5: Kenzo Suzuki vs. Norman Smiley. Smiley is seconded by GI Ho. Real creativity with that name, Court. Nice clothesline by Suzuki. They fuck up a snapmare spot. Suzuki chops the shit out of Smiley. More chops by Suzuki. Norman uses an ankle lock. Suzuki makes the ropes. Big knee by Suzuki. He then applies the boston crab. Smiley does the wiggle on Suzuki. Crowd doesn’t care. Huge spear by Suzuki. Nice belly-to-back suplex by Suzuki, followed by a shining wizard for the pin. Another average match that the crowd doesn’t care about. Rating: **

Court Bauer is in the ring with a briefcase holding the MLW tag team titles and wearing a suit that looks like a burlap sack. Why the fuck is booking himself to be on TV? The Extreme Horsemen come to the ring. Simon Diamond cuts a promo, but Steve “Dr. Death” Williams interrupts. He is about to reveal the name of his mystery partner but the heels attack him. I guess we’ve got a match, who the fuck knows?

Match No. 6: The Extreme Horsemen (CW Anderson & Simon Diamond) vs. Steve “Dr. Death” Williams & D’Lo Brown. Horsemen give Doc a double superkick. Out comes D’Lo Brown for the save. Joey Styles goes crazy like it’s Stone Cold Steve Austin or The Rock. C’mon, it’s D’Lo fucking Brown. Styles puts over Bauer and his shitty booking and the fact that this isn’t a title match. Hmmm. I guess the faces win? Thanks for giving away the finish, you fucks. Heels going to town on old ass Doc. Crowd is dead for this shit match. D’Lo hits a spinning lifting high-angle sitting powerbomb (Sky High) on Anderson but Diamond makes the save. Williams cleans house. Brown then hits a swinging side slam on Anderson. He misses a frog splash and Anderson gives him a spinebuster for the pin. Ok, I take back the part about giving away the finish, but the match still sucked as does the booking. I mean, c’mon, these two mid-carders are your tag team champs? Rating: **

DeAngelis puts over a fan fest at the Days Inn as well as the post event party at a strip club. Having an event at a fleabag motel is sure Major League. Why the fuck wasn’t this part edited out of the DVD?

La Parka comes out with James Mitchell, who unmasks him as Mikey Whipwreck. Nice swerve, Court, you’re a fucking ECW mark just like the crowd.

Match No. 7: Mikey Whipwreck vs. Sabu. Both of these poor bastards destroyed their bodies in ECW. Styles is acting like Mikey has been retired. Meanwhile, he’s been wrestling on ROH shows for months. Mikey puts Sabu in an arm bar and we hear a whistle. Out comes Bill Alfonso with a cast on his arm. Alphonso throws a chair into the ring to Sabu. Sabu then hits a slingshot double axe handle in the front row. Sabu hits a hurricanrana from the top rope. Sabu goes for a triple jump moonsault but Mikey trips him and he does a faceplant on the chair. Mike then drops Sabu face first on the guard rail. Sabu sets up a table in the corner leaning against the turnbuckle. Mikey nails him with a chair. He then gives him a russian leg sweep onto the chair. Mikey misses a senton. Sabu hits triple jump moonsault. Mikey kicks out. Mikey hits a three-quarter facelock jawbreaker (Whipper-Snapper) from the top rope. Mikey with a slingshot plancha (pescado) to the floor. Sabu puts Mikey through the table with a triple jump hip strike. He then does a triple jump leg drop followed by a camel clutch. Sabu sits on a chair and Mikey taps. Totally old school ECW match which just did’t work for me. Rating: **1/2

After the match, Sabu goes to hit James Mitchell with a spike. He gets jumped by Christopher Daniels and Jerry Lynn.

Match No. 8: CM Punk vs. Raven. Punk cuts a promo before the match. Simply Luscious shown at ringside. Punk hits a baseball slide on Raven and then tosses him in the guard rail. Raven then does the same to Punk. Raven hits Punk with a chair shot. He goes for a piledriver on the floor put Punk runs him into the apron. Raven goes for a bulldog on the chair but misses badly. Back in the ring, Luscious throws chair to Raven but Punk catches him. Punk hits a slingshot senton. He puts a chair in the corner between the top and middle rope. Raven takes an irish whip hard into the chair. Punk goes for a slingshot cross body block to the floor but Raven nails him with a chair. Punk applies the cobra clutch on Raven. Raven breaks it and then hits a decent looking superkick. Two clotheslines by Raven followed by a knee lift. He then hits a bulldog but Punk kicks out. Raven with a chair. He sets it up and gives Punk a drop toehold into the chair. Punk kicks out. Raven now sets up the chair between the top and middle turnbuckle. Punk with a nutshot. He follows with a shining wizard. He then gives him a shining wizard using a chair but Raven kicks out. Raven hits a flowing snap ddt (Raven Effect) but Michael Shane pulls him to the floor. While the referee is distracted, Shane runs him into the post. Punk then gives him the Raven Effect for the pin. Decent match, at least Punk got the win this time. Rating: ***

After the match, Shane and Punk put the boots to Raven. Punk sets up a chair. He then gives him a drop toehold onto the chair. Punk then beats him some more. He gives him another drop toehold to the chair. Norman Smiley makes the save with a chair. He wants to tag with Raven on the next show against Shane. Styles puts it over like it’s a big deal. Whatever.

Match No. 9: Mike Awesome vs. Satoshi Kojima for the MLW world title. They trade crazy hard chops to the chest. Kojima goes for a slingshot plancha (Pescado) but misses pretty badly. Nice world champion. Kojima barely backdrops Awesome over the railing. Surprisingly, Awesome’s mullet is not as bad as one of the Atlas Security guys. Kojima hits a stepover toehold facelok (STF) but Awesome makes the ropes. Awesome gets a chair from the stage. Horrible kick by Kojima. Then they fuck up a move. Awesome hits him with numerous chair shots. Kojima kicks the chair into Awesome’s face and then gives him some chairshots. Crowd is pretty dead. Kojima hits a release german suplex on the big fucker. Huge lariat by Awesome. He then gives him a sitout powerbomb (Awesome Bomb) followed by a splash from the top rope. Kojima with a superplex but Awesome kicks out. Kojima hits a shining wizard, but Awesome kicks out. Awesome with a huge running powerbomb. Kojima kicks out. Awesome gets a table and sets it up in the ring. Awesome goes for a powerbomb but Kojima hits the referee who goes down. Kojima then hits a three-quarter facelock bulldog (Koji Cutter) followed by a lariat. No referee. Awesome spears Kojima then gives him a power bomb through the table for the pin. Weak match with weak Dusty finish. Fans don’t care. Awesome has gyno issues just like Court Bauer has booking issues. Rating: **1/2

Steve Corino comes to the ring. He puts over Awesome and says he wants a title shot. Right now.

Match No. 10: Awesome vs. Steve Corino. Corino jumps him at the bell. Awesome tosses him into the front row. Awesome with a huge chair shot from the top rope. Corino kicks out. Crowd still dead. Awesome sets up a table in the corner. Awesome power bombs Corino into the table. He goes for another power bomb but C.W. Anderson interferes. Corino then superkicks Awesome for the pin. Corino is the new champ. Fans don’t care again. Rating: **1/2

After the match, fans chant bullshit. I agree, the booking is pretty bad. Corino cuts a promo and holds up the belt.

Match No. 11: Corino vs. Terry Funk in a barbed wire match. This match is sad on so many levels. Court Bauer should be kicked in the balls for booking a 59-year-old Funk, let alone in a barbed wire match. Not much early. Funk hits a hangman’s neckbreaker on Corino. Funk throws him toward the barbed wire, but he slides under it. Corino rakes Funks forehead into the barbed wire. He does it a second time. Funk is a bloody mess. Funk thrown into the barbed wire. He then gives Corino a nutshot. Funk stuck in the barbed wire and Corino working on his arm. Corino’s turn to get the barbed wire to the forehead. Corino takes a bump into the barbed wire. Corino is busted open. Funk all over Corino, who is bleeding like crazy. Funk drops the referee and then piledrives him. Funk ddt’s Corino, but C.W. Anderson cuts the barbed wire. Funk goes outside the ring and wraps the barbed wire around his face. Simon Diamond tries to make the save but Funk decks him. Funk gets a barbed wire bat. Corino takes three bat shots to the arm. Funk gives Corino two stunners for the pin. Barbaric match. Rating: ***

After the match, Horsemen beat on Funk until Williams makes the save. He then gets beaten down by the heels. Funk getting destroyed while Sandman makes his ring entrance very slowly. Sandman finally cleans house. Funk walking around with barbed wire wrapped all around him. Corino cuts a promo afterwards. Funk also cuts a promo and calls Corino chicken dick. Crowd continues the chant. Sandman then gives Funk a beer as the show goes off the air.

MLW 4: Revolutions (5/9/03)

Stephen DeAngelis is everywhere. Show opens with a 10-bell salute. Of course, you can’t hear who it is for and there is no graphic. Thanks, MLW, nice minor league touch. A local Orlando DJ comes out to plug the promotion. Another minor league touch.

Match No. 1: Paul London vs. Jerry Lynn. Fans have no idea who London is. Of course, London is only in ROH at this point so it’s somewhat understandable. London thinks he’s in ROH and extends his hand. Lynn refuses to shake. Good technical matwork early. London hits hurricanrana and Lynn doesn’t take it well. London with his trademark flip dropkick. Daniels is in Lynn’s corner. Lynn is vicious as a heel. Terrible camera work early. Daniels interferes and Lynn gives him a guillotine leg drop. Daniels interferes again. Idiot fans in Orlando are dead. These are probably the same fans that love TNA. Lighting is horrible. Lynn with a form of the bow-and-arrow. He thin hits a backbreaker for a near fall. Styles makes a reference to Sabu’s uncle, The Sheik, and that was who the 10-bell salute was for. I’m sure the fans had no idea who he was. Lynn with a spinning ddt for another near fall. London with a big enzuigiri. Great flip dropkick by London. Lynn with a sunset flip powerbomb. London barely kicks out. Lynn hits a fireman’s carry cutter (F5) but London kicks out. London hits a shooting star press in the dark but Daniels pull the referee outside. He thin hits a springboard cross body block (Pescado) on Daniels. London goes for a sunset flip but Lynn holds Daniels arms and the ref makes the count. They then do the old NWA finish where the referee breaks it apart with a kick and London gets the pin. Crowd warmed up as did the match. Unoriginal finish and weak production values hurt the match. Rating: ***

After the match, Daniels gives London a space tornado ogawa (STO) and lays the boots to him. Lynn then gives him a cradle piledriver. Crowd hot for London after the match.

Match No. 2: Fast Eddie vs. Don Juan vs. Masada in a Texas Wrestling Academy challenge match. Like London, all three are ROH regulars at the time. Crowd not into these guys early. Masada with a nice northern lights suplex. Don Juan tries for a springboard moonsault and botches the spot. Crowd chants, “You fucked up” at him. Fast Eddie hits the move on both. With the MLW camera work, these guys look in slow motion. Fast Eddie hits a springboard moonsault to the floor, nearly killing himself. Masada with a flip dive on both on the floor. Masada is wearing glitter, what the hell is that all about? Now it’s Fast Eddie’s turn to fuck up a move. Masada picks up Don Juan for a power bomb and Eddie tries to do a slingshot but falls on his head. He hits Masada’s leg and he drops Don Juan. Masada is in the corner and Don Juan hits a dragon sleep type move onto his knee. Don Juan goes to the top. Hope he doesn’t kill himself. Fast Eddie catches him. He hits a corkscrew powerslam on Juan. Masada to the top rope. He gets Eddie on his shoulders and hits a death valley driver for the pin. These guys tried but failed. Rating: **

Match No. 3: Homicide vs. Christopher Daniels. Another match taken from ROH. Nice work early. They blow a spot but it’s invisible to the crowd since they play it off perfectly. Homicide hits a suicide flip dive to the floor. Crowed into this match now. Homicide nails Daniels with a running kick to the face. Lynn distracts Homicide and Daniels catches him with an space tornado ogawa (sto). Homicide with a hurricanrana from the top rope. Homicide misses a diving headbutt. Daniels with a double jump moonsault (Best Moonsault Ever) for a near fall. Both men go for their finishers but they are blocked. Out of nowhere, Homicide hits a mafia kick for the pin. Leave it to MLW to make this match not as good as it would have been in ROH. Rating: ***

After the match, Lynn attacks Homicide and then Daniels gives him a rolling cutter (Last Rites). Styles obviously hasn’t been watching ROH or studying his moves as he calls it a Twist of Fate, which is a front facelock and not an inverted facelock like the Last Rites.

Redundant booking as once again the face wins and the heel gets his heat back with a post-match beatdown. Also, no promos at all just matches. Nothing major league about this promotion, except maybe their debt.

Match No. 4: The SAT (Joel & Jose Maximo) vs. The Samoan Island Tribe (Mana & Samu). M. Before the match, Joel and Jose try to speak. Bad idea. Jose hits a crazy dive as the Samoans come through the curtain. Styles tries to put over the Samoans, who are journeymen. Samu with a belly-to-back suplex from the top rope. Mana runs Joel into the ringpost back first. Joel with a senton on Mana. Mana catches Joel with a samoan drop. Joel with a moonsault on Samu. Mana puts Joel on the top rope. Then gives him the samoan drop from the top rope for the pin. This match was a disaster, akin to this promotion. Rating: **1/2

Samoans continue the beating after the match. Yawn.

Match No. 5: Michael Shane vs. Norman Smiley. Before the match, Shane cuts a cocky heel promo. He puts over Norman Smiley and the wiggle, mockingly I guess. He then introduces Francine. She looks totally slutty, per usual. Smiley cuts a promo and calls Francine the nastiest bitch he’s seen in his travels across the world. He says he has a woman of his own. He brings out a woman with humongous breasts. It’s Taylor Vaughn, who played Barbara Bush in WWF. Smiley is over with the Orlando crowd. Smiley all over Shane. Francine interferes and Shane hits a leg lariat. Francine chokes Smiley in the corner. Smiley takes a Flair bump in the corner and to the floor. Francine gives him a nut shot. Smiley with a backslide and small package. Bentley hits a backslide and an enzuigiri. Shane misses a Shawn Michaels elbow from the top rope. Smiley with a double underhook into a slam. The woman go at it. Norman does the big wiggle on Francine. They first go to the wrong side of the ring. Smiley goes for his crossface chickenwing but Shane escapes and hits a superkick for the pin. Not as good as it should have been. Rating: **1/2

Match No. 6: CM Punk vs. Raven. This feud is straight out of ROH, like most of the undercard. Only difference is booking and production values are worse. Styles buries Vampiro, who apparently was supposed to wrestle Raven. Styles says the wrestled before and that Punk upset Raven. He asks if it can happen again. Answer is likely not with the piss poor booking we’ve seen so far. Actually, I’m disappointed Vampiro is not wrestling Raven. I would have gotten the chance to seen the two most overrated wrestlers in the world going at it. Speaking of overrated, Joey Styles is also in that class. He says Raven is in the best shape of his life as the camera shows his gut. And this was around the time Raven was having his health issues after years of who-knows-what kind of abuse. Oh yeah, the match. Pretty boring early, thanks to Raven. Punk gives him drop toe hold to the floor. They fight outside. Things pick up as Punk goes on the attack. The only thing missing is Styles lifting Raven’s skirt and servicing him. Punk hits a shining wizard. Styles calls it a knee. Raven nails Punk with a superkick. Raven hits a pair of knee lifts and then a clothesline. Crowd is dead for this match. Raven hits a ddt for the pin. Typical. Worst Punk match I’ve ever seen and it wasn’t his fault. Rating: **1/2

Match No. 7: Fuego Guerrero (Amazing Red) vs. Ikuto Hidaka. Nice hurricanrana by Red. The fight outside the ring. Hidaka hits a slingshot senton. They totally fuck up a spot in the corner. Red does a handstand and Hidaka tries to dropkick him but misses badly. Red hits the leg trap sunset flip powerbomb (Code Red). Hidaka hits a sitout powerbomb. Red hits a hurricanrana followed by a standing shooting star press (Red Star Press) for the pin. Another match that should have been better. And why the fuck is Red wearing the hood? Rating: **1/2

Match No. 8: Simon Diamond & CW Anderson vs. Steve “Dr. Death” Williams & P.J. Friedman. Heels nail Friedman with a chair as he walks through the curtain. Williams on his own but he nails both with lariats. Heels double team Williams and drop him on his face. Friedman comes to the ring bleeding from the head. It looked like he got hit in the knee and the back but who the hell knows with this promotion. Williams tags Friedman in for some reason. He’s holding a chair and the chair gets kicked in his head twice. The heels give him a superkick for the pin. That could be the worst finish of all time. Anderson and Diamond win the tag team titles? What a joke. Williams beats up his partner afterwards. Terrible match with worse booking. Fans call for a Doctor Bomb but the kid leaves. Rating: *

Match No. 9: Mike Awesome vs. Masato Tanaka in Number One contender’s match. This is the main event? No title match? Didn’t Awesome confront the champion after the last show? Nice cock tease by Court Bauer, the “booker” of this mess. They trade chops. Awesome with a release german suplex. They fuck up a simple clothesline spot over the top rope. Nice spot as the fans hold a chair and Tanaka rams Awesome’s head into it. Missile dropkick by Tanaka. Awesome hits Tanaka with three massive chair shots to the head. He gets up. Awesome gives him a ridiculous chair shot to the head. Awesome then gives him a running chair shot to the head, followed by a sitout power bomb (Awesome Bomb). Tanaka kicks out somehow. Fans are chanting for tables. Another chair shot to the head by Awesome. Awesome to the top rope and he hits a huge splash. Awesome up aBlogger: Random Wrestling Mark – Edit Post “MLW 4: Revolutions (5/9/03)”gain but Tanaka catches him. Tanaka gives him a superplex. Followed by a tornado ddt on some chairs. Tanaka with a chair. He nails the referee in the head. Awesome drops Tanaka over the top rope and through a table. The bell rings. Awesome is the winner and No. 1 contender and he will face Satoshi Kojima at the next show. Decent match if you like carnage. Rating: ***

Match No. 10: Sabu vs. La Parka in a Mexican Massacre match, whatever the hell that is. Bill Alfonso not in Sabu’s corner, but the Cuban Assassin is instead. Sabu throws a chair and nails Parka in the face. He throws him into the crowd. Sabu sets up a chair. He does a triple jump botched move overshooting Parka in the crowd. Parka nails Sabu with a chairshot. Parka misses a senton. Sabu with a springboard dropkick followed by the camel clutch. Styles puts over The Sheik. In tribute, Court Bauer is killing the territory. Parka into the ring post. Sabu off the chair with a hell kick (Air Sabu). Parka sets up a chair. He drops Sabu face first onto the chair. Parka with a crazy suicide dive. Parka into a table in the corner. Parka slams Sabu and then dances. Sabu does his legdrop on the chair (Arabian Facebuster) on Parka. Parka gives Sabu a sitout powerbomb. Sabu holds Parka and Cuban Assasin goes for a chair shot, Parka moves and Sabu gets nailed. Sabu on the table and Parka to the top rope and he hits a cross body block. Clusterfuck. Sabu with a sloppy triple jump moonsault. Crowd is dead. Park with a corkscrew moonsault for the pin. Another average match on a bad card. Sabu jumps Parka after the match. Rating: **1/2

Match No. 11: Steve Corino vs. Terry Funk. Funk cuts a promo and calls Corino a piece of shit. Funk and Corino beat on each other early. Funk tosses him to the floor. Corino slams Funk into the steel support holding up the curtain and the lights. It nearly falls down. Funk is bleeding already. He’s a mess. Corino gives him a ddt. Funk replies with a nut shot. He drops him with a left. Outside, Funk gives Corino a neckbreaker. Followed by a chairshot to the head. And a second one. Corino is now bloody. He hit a gusher. And he is a complete mess. Corino with a nasty piledriver. But Funk kicks out. He gives Funk a second piledriver. They go outside the ring and Corino gives Funk a piledriver on the floor. Funk kicks out again. Corino sets up a piece of the table in the corner. Funk responds with a stunner. Corino then gives Funk a piledriver on the table shard but Funk kicks out again. Corino gets another table from beneath the ring. He sets it up and puts a chair on top. From the top rope, Funk tries to superplex Corino through the table. Corino blocks it and applies a sleeper. Funk then snap mares him and he hits the table but it doesn’t break. Anderson and Diamond interfere but Funk gives them chairshots. Corino gives Funk a superkick. Corino goes for a piledriver but Funk reverses it into a backdrop on the table. Again, the table doesn’t break. Funk goes for a piledriver but Corino reverses. Corino goes for a rollup and Funk rolls through for the pin. Anderson and Diamond attack him after the bell. All three then put him into the table in the corner. Doctor Death makes the save. Average match, sad to see Funk still wrestling, even sadder to see him bleed and take a bunch of abuse. Rating: ***

Corino cuts a promo after the match on Funk. Now it’s Funk’s turn. We can’t hear the old bastard or understand him. Now they turn the mic up. Funk challenges Corino to a barb wire match. He says the people in Florida don’t give a shit if you die or not. DeAngelis says the barb wire match next month will be an exploding barb wire match. His promo was one of the best things on the show. And that ain’t saying much.

MLW 3: King of Kings (12/20/02)

Match No. 1: Nosawa & Masada vs. Hot Commodity (Julio Dinero and EZ Money). Heels jump Japs before the bell. Masada does springboard pescado and Dinero and Money catch him on the floor. Nosawa does baseball slide and knocks them to the floor. Nice doubleteam by Nosawa and Masada. Dinero with a nice corkscrew brainbuster. He follows with a fireman’s carry dropped into a suplex. Money hits a nice backflip splash. Money goes for a move and Masada botches it. Fans chant “You fucked up” and Money points at Masada. Classic. Money hits the bank roll on Masada and looks pissed. Masada hits release german suplex on Money. Nosawa hits shining wizard on Dinero. Nosawa hits sitout scoop slam piledriver (Nosawa Driver) for a near fall. Commodity hits ocean cyclone suplex on Masada for the pin. Real good opener. Rating: ***

Segment with Steve “Dr. Death” Williams working out with his student, P.J. Friedman. Williams has cut the mullet slightly and there’s some blond in the bangs. Major League Mullet.

Match No. 2: Christopher Daniels vs. Super Crazy vs. Fuego Guerrero (Amazing Red) in triple threat match. Crazy and Daniels open things. Crazy action right off the bat. Daniels tries some mic work, but fails. Nice body scissors by Fuego. Daniels with a sweet slingshot legdrop. Daniels bulldogs Fuego as he clotheslines Crazy. Daniels hits picture perfect moonsault on Crazy for a two count. Fuego hits Amazing Red’s leg trap sunset flip powerbomb (Code Red) on Daniels. Crazy hits a spinning sitdown powerbomb on Fuego. Fuego hits running standing shooting star press (Red Star Press) for a near fall on Crazy. Actually, Fuego got the pin. I missed it and the crowd was dead for the finish. Weak finish, terrible use of Daniels. Crazy tries to pull of Fuego’s hood and the Maximos make the save. Rating: **1/2

Promo with Fat Ass Dusty Rhodes. Boy, he looks like shit. He’d be great if this was radio. He rips on Corino. And speaking of ugly, Bill Alfonso cuts a promo with Sabu.

Match No. 3: Jimmy Yang & Mike Sanders vs. Steve “Dr. Death” Williams & P.J. Friedman. Friedman and Yang blow a spot. Williams hits huge power bomb on Sanders. Williams hits Sanders with a drink. Then drops him through a table. Crowd is mostly empty. This match sucks. Great missile dropkick by Yang. He has some serious ups. Yang follows up with nice corkscrew moonsault. Yang goes up again and get crotched. Williams hits press slam on Yang and Friedman follows with an elbow drop. Another botch as both Williams and Friedman both try to make the pin. Williams hits a gutwrench powerbomb (Doctor Bomb) on Sanders. Yang uses nice head scissors on Williams. Williams then hits high-angle belly to back suplex (Backdrop Driver) for the pin. Match sucked, early picked up at the end. Rating: **1/2

Promo with Simon Diamond and C.W. Anderson. Simon says they have been compared to Tully and Arn.

Match No. 4: Simon Diamond & C.W. Anderson vs. The SAT (Joel & Jose Maximo). Not much early. Jose hits an Asai moonsault on to all three on the floor. Diamond hits a Northern Lights suplex on Jose. Anderson his a nice superplex which he held long from the top rope. Joel hits a german suplex with a bridge. Joel follows with a moonsault. He then hits a back to belly piledriver (Beach Break) on Anderson for a near fall. Jose goes for a 540 from the top rope and appears to botch it as his foot hits Diamond in the face. SAT goes for the Spanish Fly but Diamond breaks it up. Anderson hits a spinebuster on Jose for the pin. Pretty good match. Rating: ***

Corino cuts a promo from outside of the War Memorial Auditorium, which looks like a shithole from the 1950s. He rips on Terry Funk and Dusty Rhodes for not giving him an autograph when he was a kid. Mike Awesome cuts promo on Jerry Lynn.

Match No. 5: Sabu vs. La Parka. Parka throws his chair at Sabu. Sabu’s back is a mess. Not sure if it is steroid acne or scars, probably a combination of both. Standard Sabu spots early. Parka tosses Sabu into the front row. He follows up with a chair shot. They fight in the crowd. Parka hits an axehandle from the top rope over the barricade into the front row. His knees will be shot before too long. Sabu holds down top rope and Park flips over and hits table that doesn’t break. Sabu gets scissors and stabs Parka in the mask. Sabu does spot where he jumps on chair and springboards off top rope into front row on Parka. Parka is a bloody mess. Sabu gets the scissors again and carves up Parka some more. Sabu legdrops Parka through a table. Parka is a bloody mess. Sabu hits an Arabian Facebuster. He then hits a triple jump moonsault for the pin. Decent bloody brawl. Rating: ***

After the match, Sabu tries to shake hands with La Parka. They finally shake and embrace. Another promo from that freak Alfonso. Parka then jumps him and throws him into a trash pile.

Match No. 6: Mike Awesome vs. Jerry Lynn for No. 1 contender to MLW tite. Awesome is a big bastard. Hard to believe he is the brother of that scrawny bastard Bill Alfonso, although they both have that trailer park aura. Huge spear by Awesome. Awesome vaults railing and clotheslines Lynn. Huge boot by Awesome. Awesome with a splash for a two count. Awesome hits a one shoulder powerbomb (Awesome Bomb) for the pin. Match was too short and Lynn didn’t get to do much. Rating: **1/2

After the match, Awesome raises his hands and you can see the gyno on his chest. Steroids will give you man boobs if you don’t watch out. Even Rock was cursed with the bitch tits for a while, wearing a shirt until he had surgery.

Daniels gets the mic and tells Lynn he is disappointed. He rips on Lynn for losing tonight and at the previous show. Daniels asks Lynn to join him and he accepts.

Promo with Terry Funk. Boy, is he looking old. He calls Dusty a fat ass. He says Dusty backed him up at left guard at West Texas State. He says Dusty was in his platoon in Vietnam with “those nips”. He says Dusty went AWOL and he shot him in the ass with his rifle. He says Rhodes rode a couple of fat pigs in Tampa. Great promo.

Match No. 7: Terry Funk vs. Steve Corino vs. Dusty Rhodes. Funk was right. Dusty is a fat ass. he must be pushing 350. Thankfully, he is leaving his Dusty Rhodes t-shirt on. Corino and Funk doubleteam Rhodes. He gives them both the bionic elbow. Corino crowns Dusty with a trash can. Funk does the same. Corino holds Rhodes and Funk instead clocks him with the trash can. Rhodes pulls down Funk’s pants exposing his flabby ass. Thanks Dusty. Rhodes is busted open. Funk nearly breaks his leg going over the guard rail. Rhodes hits Funk in the head with a shovel. Corino is now busted open. Rhodes takes a nut shot from Funk. Funk nails Corino in the throat with the shovel. Simon Diamond and C.W. Anderson jump Rhodes. Cheap fucking finish. Funk makes the save. He beats on Corino with the trash can afterwards. All three then attack Funk. Rating: **1/2

Rhodes makes the save and he and Funk then beat on Corino. Long post-match brawl. Funk and Rhodes flip each other off. They mug for the crowd, then hug each other.

Corino cuts bloody promo. Diamond is next, with his stupid Notre Dame jersey. Anderson rambles on.

Vampiro cuts promo. I hate this clown even more. He can’t wrestle and his promos suck. Why the fuck is he in the main event for this company?

Match No. 8: Satoshi Kojima vs. Vampiro for MLW title. Vampiro whips Kojima into the guardrail and fan in the front row falls on his ass. Kojima suplexes Vampiro on the floor. Vampiro jumps off camera stand 10 feet above stage and clotheslines Kojima. Dumbass grabs knee that already has a brace. Crowd is dead and I’m nearly falling asleep. Nice main event, Court Bauer. Kojima hits big elbow from the top rope. Dumbass Vampiro is wearing his wedding ring. Vampiro misses a corkscrew moonsault. Kojima hits a dragon screw and then kicks Vampiro’s knee. He hits another dragon screw. Kojima puts stepover toehold facelock (STF) on Vampiro. He then hits a cutter (Koji Cutter) on Vampiro followed by a lariat for the pin. Finish came out of nowhere and fans barely popped. Average match with pretty good finish. Rating: ***

Mike Awesome confronts Kojima after the match. He hits a sitout powerbomb and then walks away. I guess that is the main event for the next show. Awesome brings a table into the ring. He sets it up in the corner. And throws Kojima into the table. He then takes the belts and poses with it as the show goes off the air. Another average show.

MLW 2: Reload (9/26/02)

Show opens with Joey Styles saying the MLW title has been vacated. He doesn’t say why. After Shane Douglas talked shit about everyone in the industry on the last show, he is obviously done. Here’s the he said/she said recap of why Douglas was stripped of the title. Sounds like Bush League Wrestling to me. Styles says four men were in a lottery to determine who will wrestle for the title: Taiyo Kea, Satoshi Kojima, Sabu and Jerry Lynn. Lynn and Kojima will wrestle for the title, while Sabu and Kea will wrestle to become No. 1 contender. Hey Court Bauer, why not just have all four guys wrestle a mini-tournament to determine the champ? Again, questionable title booking is starting to piss me off when it comes to MLW.

The four guys from the lottery fight in the ring before the show. I think. Styles doesn’t identify them, or say anything, as they fight. Like I’m supposed to know what Kojima looks like?

Christopher Daniels cuts a promo with Dick Togo and Ikuto Hidaka.

Match No. 1: Super Crazy vs. Fuego Guerrero. Guerrero is Amazing Red using a mask. Two nice spinning arm drags by Red. Red then hits a flying head scissors. Huge kick to the head by Crazy. And another to the back of the head. Red hits springboard somersault plancha on Crazy on the carpet? Crazy with a springboard moonsault from the second rope followed by a standing corkscrew elbow. Cray plants Red on his face and then hits a slingshot legdrop. They do the spot where the crowd counts in Spanish as crazy punches Red. Red hits tornado ddt. It looks like they botch a spot. Crazy hits brainbuster but Red kicks out. Red with a nice corkscrew suicide plancha. He hits a standing shooting star press, but misses a senton. Crazy hits powerbomb for the pin. Damn good opener. Rating: ***1/2

Match No. 2: La Parka vs. Shocker. Good back and forth early. These guys have wrestled with or against each other hundreds of times and it shows. Shocker fakes a highspot to the floor and does a springboard handstand and stays in the ring and struts. Both guys plaing to the crowd. Huge springboard bump to the floor by Parka and then Shocker hits cross body block to the floor. Park hits corkscrew suicide dive. Park with a suicide senton. Park misses a chair shot but is dropkicked in the face with the chair. Shocker goes for dive through the ropes and Park nails him with the chair in the head. Russian leg sweep by Parka. Shocker from the top rope but Parka drop kicks him in the face. Parka hits missile drop kick from the top rope. Shocker hits superplex from top rope. Shocker hits huge bulldog. Shocker with La Magistral for near fall. Shocker uses Bronco Buster. He tries again but Park gives him a boot to the balls. Parka hits corkscrew moonsault for the pin. Another real good match. Rating: ***1/2

Match No. 3: Spanish Announce Team (Joel & Jose Maximo) & Quiet Storm vs. Far East Connection (Ikuto Hidaka & Dick Togo) & Christopher Daniels. Togo with a nice ddt on Joel. All six guys are fighting outside the ring. Idiot doing the graphics uses Joe L. instead of Joel. Fans are into Daniels. It just doesn’t look right seeing Quiet Storm in the ring with Daniels. Fans chanting for Dick. Jose holds Togo and Joel runs the ropes and dropkicks him in the face. Togo with a nice tornado ddt. Togo hits senton bomb on Joel. He then hits huge clothesline on Joel. Hidaka with a slingshot senton on Joel. Togo hits brainbuster on Joel. Joel makes hot take to Jose. Togo gives Storm tornado ddt onto the floor. Daniels hits springboard moonsault to the floor, followed by suicide dive by Hidaka onto all five guys. Storm hits northern lights suplex on Hidaka. Daniels with picture perfect moonsault on Joel. Joel hits frog splash on Daniels. Tons of high spots as match climaxes. SAT uses spanish fly on Togo and he hurts his ankle. Daniels uses Dragon Sleeper and then sweeps into neckbreaker on Storm for the pin. Match started slow, but built up at the end. Rating: ***1/2

Match No. 4: Chris Candido vs. Terry Funk. Tammy Sytch is at ringside. She looks horrible. Fans chant “she’s a crack whore” and she gives them the finger. Candido is all juiced up and his back is covered in pimples. He’s also got a gut. Funk is busted open. He’s too old to juice. This match is sad on so many levels. Including the idiot in the crowd with the sign that asks “Funk, got knees?” Moron. One of the security guards looks just like Don West. Bill Apter is at ringside taking pictures. Funk suplexes Candido on the floor. Funk is bloody mess. Funk with a ddt. Funk ddt’s Candido on the entrance ramp. Candido brings a ladder to the ring. He bumps onto the ladder. Fans boo as he takes weak bump in the corner. Funk nails him with the ladder. Candido hits diving head butt. Funk barely kicks out. Candido takes weak bump to the floor. Sytch gives Funk a low blow and slaps him. He gives her a ddt’s her and we get a shot of her fat, flabby ass, which Funk bites. He goes for a piledriver and Candido nails him with a chair from behind. Candido with a hangman’s neckbreaker. Candido sets up chairs in the ring. Funk gives Candido a weak hangman’s neckbreaker on the chairs. He does spinning toe hold but Candido catches him with a punch. Funk goes for spinning toe hold, Candido gets inside cradle, Funk reverses it for the pin. Candido piledrives Funk after the match. Sad match on so many levels. Rating: **1/2

Match No. 5: Steve Corino vs. Vampiro. Corino on the mic in the ring. He says the match will be an old fashioned street fight. He rips on Vampiro for sucking Vince Russo’s ass. He also rips on the crowd. Vampiro rips on Corino and ECW. He points out Corino’s faggot ass boyfriend in the front row. Sandman comes out before the match starts. Corino and Vampiro both give Sandman a superkick. Match becomes a three-way street fight. Corino is great drawing heat from the crowd. Vampiro suplexes Sandman onto entrance ramp. Corino takes a backdrop on the ramp from Vampiro. Vampiro cleans house with Sandman’s cane. Corino takes chair to the face from a Vampiro kick. Corino bloody as usual. Sandman throws a barricade into the ring. Corino uses a facewash on Vampiro. Sandman suplexes Corino onto the barricade. Corino sets up chairs in the ring. Sandman superplexes Corino onto the guardrail on the chairs. Vampiro then pins Sandman. Vampiro uses camel clutch on Corino. Several near falls by both guys. Crowd is dead. Corino finally goes to the top rope and hits inverted facelock neckbreaker slam (Old School Expulsion) for the pin. Corino tried, but he was working with a couple of hacks. Match really dragged in spots. Rating: **1/2

Match No. 6: Taiyo Kea vs. Sabu in No. 1 contenders match. Bill Alfonso is out with Sabu. Too bad, I thought we’d seen this last of that ugly, scary bastard. Kea chops the shit out of Sabu. Crowd is dead. Kea looks like a dipshit with his head shaved. A combination of Baron Von Raschke and Vito. Sabu’s back is scarred pretty bad. He uses chair and does springboard jump onto Kea in the front row. Crowd barely pops. Sabu with a nice ddt as Kea’s legs are draped over the top rope. Sabu catches chair and Kea kicks chair into his face. Crowd barely pops. Sabu props table over barricade and apron does leg drop on Kea. Crowd actually pops. Sabu does chair jump springboard moonsault. Kea kicks the shit out of Sabu, dropping him. Sabu throws chair at Kea and hits him in the face. Crowd is dead. Kea hits backbreaker rack neckbreaker (Hawaiian Five Out) for the pin. These guys tried hard but crowd was dead and match dragged. Rating: **1/2

Match No. 7: Satoshi Kojima vs. Jerry Lynn for the MLW title. Lynn is pumped. He’s gotta be juicing. Fans are into Kojima. Kojima with a standing senton to open things. Kojima hits a stf. Kojima with huge chops on Lynn. Lynn hits an inverted ddt for a near fall. Kojima takes off the elbow pad. Here comes a lariat. Lynn ducks. He hits a german suplex. Lynn follows with a tornado ddt. Kojima catches Lynn with a sitout powerbomb. Lynn hits a spinning fireman’s carry into a diamond cutter. Kojima uses a sitout powerslam for a near fall. Kojima destroys Lynn with a lariat for the pin. Decent match with semi-decent heat, but it didn’t feel like a title match. Rating: ***

Kea comes out after the match as the promote an All Japan title match. Kojima grabs the mic and cuts hilarious promo. He poses for pictures with the Japanese photographers as the show goes off the air.

MLW 1: Genesis (6/15/02)

Show opens with Shane Douglas walking out of the curtain before the show. He’s back in the ECW Arena, now called Viking Hall. He says he’s going to make history — again.

Opening montage. I hate when they show highlights of matches I haven’t seen yet. Of course, since this is the debut show, I guess they have no choice.

Joey Styles opens the show with the blue screen behind him showing the ring. He will be doing commentary.

Match No. 1: La Parka vs. Jerry Lynn. La Park working over Lynn early. He does his dance and the crowd pops. La Park with nice springboard somersault plancha. Lynn with nice flying headscissors. Crowd pops for him. Lynn with a cross body block onto Parka on the floor. Lynn hits a corkscrew ddt for the pin. Pretty good opener. Rating: ***1/2

Corino cuts a promo in the bathroom. Damn, he’s got a ton of scar tissue on his forehead. He cuts great screaming promo on Douglas.

Match No. 2: Christopher Daniels vs. Vampiro. Vampiro isn’t wearing makeup and he has a crew cut. He looks like a skinhead. Styles says it is their first ever meeting. Matwork early. Vampiro uses a leg submission but Daniels makes the ropes. Vampiro with a spinning leg lariat. They are outside the ring. Daniles hard into the barricade. Vampiro with a chair shot. Vampiro drops a knee into Daniels’ balls. Vampiro uses the hammer for the bell to nail Daniels in the nuts again. Daniles with nice springboard outside the ring. Daniels with a Thesz Press for a two count. Daniels with a double jump moonsault. Vampiro with belly to belly superplex from the top rope. Daniels somehow kicks out. Vampiro hits uranage for the pin. This match was a disappointment. It was the worts match I’ve ever seen Daniels in, and I blame Vampiro for that. Vampiro over Daniels? I blame Court Bauer for booking that one. Rating: **1/2

Backstage interview with The Wall. He cuts a weak promo. So does Taiyo Kea.

Match No. 3: The Wall vs. Taiyo Kea. I have to admit, I haven’t heard of either of these guys, although despite what Wikipedia says, I actually know Kea better by his real name. Styles buries Bam Bam Bigelow, who must have no-showed. Fans throw streamers at Kea. Wall is a big bastard. Wall drops Kea on his face and gives him a strange lariat. Kea uses dragon screw legwhip. Another dragon screw. Wall hits a superplex. Kea hits a northern lights suplex and bridges for the pin. This matched sucked as Wall was terrible. RIP Wall. Rating: **

Match No. 4: Steve Corino vs. Shane Douglas. Douglas is such a cocky prick, which explains why the Philly fans love him. He cuts a promo and drops the f-bomb numerous times. He puts himself over and puts down Flair. Corino cuts another great promo on Douglas and Paul Heyman. Fans chant Fuck Paul Heyman. Corino says Douglas is going to put him over by pin or countout. Douglas jumps Corino. Fans chant Where’s Your Skateboard at Douglas. Douglas with huge suplex on Corino. Douglas with a punch to the balls. Corino takes a chairshot to the head. Corino with a running boot to the face of Douglas. Corino uses arm bar on Douglas, who is wearing a brace on his right elbow. Corino all over the elbow. Douglas with a northern lights suplex into a bridge. Douglas hits belly-to-belly suplex for the pin. Another match that wasn’t as good as I expected. Rating: **1/2

Daniels tries to recruit Lynn backstage.

Match No. 5: Lynn vs. Douglas. Shane jumps Lynn after offering handshake. Lynn with nice legdrop on the apron that knocks Douglas to the floor. Lynn with a baseball slide. Shane gets posted. Will he blade? Doubtful. He gets posted again. Lynn also runs his shoulder into the post. Douglas does blade, but it’s a trickle. I’ve cut myself worse shaving. The guy rips on Flair, but he can’t even bleed properly. Lynn has to work hard with some punches to get some blood flowing. Double clothesline allows Douglas to rest his fat ass. Douglas with a kick to the balls. Lynn gets a near fall with a spinning ddt. Douglas with a belly to belly suplex for a near fall. Douglas hits fisherman buster (Pittsburgh Plunge) for the pin. Another match were the better wrestler loses. Nice booking Bauer. Also another match were the winner hurt the match quality. Shot of senile Frank Talent from the state atheltic commission at ringside also downgrades the match. Rating: **1/2

Match No. 6: Vampiro vs. Taiyo Kea. Back and forth early. Nice hurricanrana by Kea. Crowd is fucking dead. Kea with a springboard splash of some sort. Kea hits a sitdown powerpomb. They go to the floor. Vampiro kicks Kea in the nuts. Shot of one of the Atlas Security giants with a mullet. Even he’s bored. Kea with a couple of powerbombs. Vampiro does some weak looking throw. Followed by a back suplex. Huge chop by Kea. Vampiro replies with average one. Vampiro is wearing a ring on his finger. Idiot. Vampiro with a top rope hurricanrana for a two count. Kea with a jaw buster that Styles calls the Hawaiian Crush. Bell rings and it is a time limit draw. Well, at least the better guy didn’t lose this match. But again, match was a disappointment. Rating: **

Match No. 7: Vampiro vs. Taiyo Kea vs. Shane Douglas for the MLW title. Since the last match was a draw, both guys advance to face Douglas. Fans are dead again. Kea holds Douglas and Vampiro goes for a spin kick. Douglas moves and he hits Kea. Douglas hits belly-to-belly suplex for the pin. Weak fucking match. Fans seem happier that the match was over than Douglas is the new champ. Weak match, way too short. Rating: **

Douglas grabs the mic. He drops the f bomb again. Multiple times. He rips on McMahon, Heyman, Hogan, Flair, the Clique. What an egotistical fucking prick. Major League Wrestling, Minor League Booking, Bush League Champion. He throws down the belt and spits on it. Styles acts outraged that Douglas throws down the belt again. Referee John Finnegan takes the mic. He says if Douglas pulls this shit again and doesn’t defend the title, he will be suspended from wrestling in Pennsylvania. They show senile Frank Talent at ringside. He remembers his cue and agrees with Finnegan. Douglas acts pissed. Fans are dead, just like this stupid fucking angle. And one final thing. To the idiot who produced the DVD, which showed highlights at the beginning of the show, including Douglas holding the belt. Thanks for ruining the surprise.