Show opens with Stephen DeAngelis telling the crowd this show will be taped for TV and they will be live in five seconds. Like the last show, why show that on the DVD?
Match No. 1: Los Maximos (Jose & Joel Maximo) or Spanish Announce Team as everyone else in the world calls them vs. Jimmy Yang & Tony Mamaluke. Before the match, Joel cuts an incomprehensible promo. Supposedly, SAT is a booker’s nightmare, no showing like crazy. I’m betting Court Bauer puts them over. Huge dropkick by Yang on Joel. Yang then hits a corkscrew pescado to the floor. Mamaluke puts Joel into an armbar. Jose with a weak clothesline on Mamaluke. Yang with a nice leg lariat. Joel blows a baseball slide spot and then nearly kills himself with a moonsault to the floor. SAT hit a double bulldog. They then do a taffy machine but Joey Styles has no idea how to call it. Nice prep work, douche. Mamaluke drops Jose on his shoulder. He then works on the shoulder some more. Yang goes for a super powerbomb, but Jose hits a crazy Frankensteiner. SAT does a doubleteam moonsault on Mamaluke. They blow another double team as Mamaluke reverses it into a powerbomb. Yang with a nice double clothesline from the top rope. Mamaluke gives Jose a brainbuster. He goes to the top rope but the Maximos catch him with the Spanish Fly for the pin. Typical MLW booking. Yang put on the best show, clowns go over, Styles puts them over. Decent match, but nothing special. Rating: **1/2
DeAngelis nearly trips climbing into the ring.
Match No. 2: Rich Criado vs. Josh Daniels. A battle of two nobodies. Nice snap suplex by Daniels. These guys are trying but the crowd is shitting all over them. Daniels with a suicide dive to the floor. Crowd with a “You still suck” chant. Huge backbreaker by Criado. Match starting to drag. Huge brainbuster by Criado. Fans really giving it to him. Release german suplex by Daniels. Criado with a sitout scoop slam piledriver (Michinoku Driver II) but Daniels kicks out. Daniels with a dragon suplex for the pin. Pretty good match despite the idiot fans. Rating: ***
Match No. 3: Da Hit Squad (Monsta Mack & Mafia) vs. Samoan Island Tribe (Samu & Ekmo). DHS is back months after breaking up in ROH. Let’s see if Court Bauer jobs them, which I expect. DHS is actually dwarfed by the Samoans. They brawl right away. Ekmo sets up a table and goes to spear Mafia, but he moves and Ekmo destroys the table. DHS then doubleteam Samu in the ring. Ekmo then superkicks Mafia. DHS with a double suplex on Ekmo. Mafia puts him in a leg lock and then Monsta hits a frog splash. DHS would have gotten the pin but Samu pulls the ref from the ring. Wow, Ekmo catches Monsta and then gives him a swinging side slam (Styles calls it a uranage). Samoans working over DHS now. Samoans throw referee Mike Keener over the top rope. Security comes to the ring. I guess that means its a DQ. Well, the good news is that Court didn’t job DHS. The bad news is that he came up with a weak fucking finish. They continue to brawl with security in the ring. Piss poor finish downgrades average match. RIP Eddie “Ekmo” Fatu. Rating: **
To show that they are an ECW mark promotion, MLW has hired Atlas Security and their huge guys with mullets.
Match No. 4: C.W. Anderson vs. Steve “Dr. Death” Williams. And speaking of ECW ripoffs, here is C.W., who attacks Williamshttp://www.timharv.com/wp-admin/post.php?action=edit&post=2421 right away. Williams recovers. And then hits a crazy cross body block to the floor. Doc sets up a table and nearly fucks up throwing Anderson into it. Table is on the ground with one side raised and Anderson snap mares Williams onto it. The leg breaks and the table falls several inches to the floor. Worst fucking use of tables ever. Williams tries to clothesline Anderson into the front row. He fails. Then he throws him into the crowd. Lame chair shot by Doc. Anderson kicks chair into Doc’s face. He then gives him a lame chair shot. Anderson working on Doc’s arm. Anderson hits a belly to back suplex. Crowd is nearly dead and I’m falling asleep. Clothesline by Williams but he hurts his arm. Anderson catches Doc with a superkick after two weak shoulder blocks. Williams goes for a power slam, but Anderson’s legs hit the referee. Weak ref bump spot. Simon Diamond superkicks Williams but he kicks out. Sandman chases Diamond to the back. Williams hits a high angle belly to back suplex (Backdrop Driver) for the pin. Another average match and another overbooked match. RIP Doc. Rating: **1/2
Match No. 5: Jerry Lynn vs. Homicide. Lynn comes out with James Mitchell. Before the match, Lynn cuts a promo on Paul London for leaving for WWE. Lynn attacks Homicide at the bell. Ok, let’s see, Lynn is the heel and Homicide is the face. Nice booking, Court. Homicide does a nice satellite headscissors. Lynn works over Homicide outside the ring. Homicide is being book liked a pussy, good job Court. Homicide finally on the offensive. But that is short-lived. Homicide is holding his jaw. Lynn drops Homicide face-first on his knee for a near fall. Homicide with a somersault tope (Tope con Hilo) to the floor. Lynn hits a running sitout powerbomb for a near fall. Lynn with a fireman’s carry cutter. Homicide fucks up a spot. Lynn escapes from back to back double underhook piledriver (Da Cop Killa). Lynn hits a hurricanrana but Homicide rolls through for the pin. Strange match, flashes of good and bad. Rating: **1/2
Match No. 6: Simon Diamond vs. Sandman. More ECW mark booking material. Sandman’s entrance takes a good five minutes. Diamond cuts a promo. Superkick by Diamond. Sandman misses a legdrop as Diamond is draped across the top rope. He’s horrible. He nearly kills Diamond with a hurricanrana. Out of nowhere, Diamond hits a three-quarter facelock bulldog (Gem Cutter) for the pin. Piss poor match with piss poor booking of a pissed drunk has-been. Rating: *
Match No. 7: Mikey Whipwreck vs. Sabu. Yet another broken down ECW guy. Make that two. Enough already, Court. They trade blows as the bell rings. Springboard leg lariat by Sabu into a camel clutch. Poor Mikey, his back is already fucked up. Mikey hits a front kick. Mikey puts Sabu on a table. He drops Mikey facefirst on the apron. Mikey on the table now. Sabu goes for a moonsault but Mitchell pushes him into the ring. Mikey with a clothesline. Table is now in the ring on its side. Mike atomic drops Sabu on the table and he takes the side of it in the nuts. Another front kick by Mikey. Mikey takes a ddt from Sabu. Sabu sets up the table in the corner. Mikey gets put on it and Bill Alphonso holds him. Sabu goes for a legdrop but Mikey moves and Sabu takes out Alphonso. Mikey nearly gets the pin. Sabu with another camel clutch. Mitchell on the ring apron. He throws a fireball in Sabu’s face. Mikey then with several chair shots. Mikey puts his arm in a chair and hits it with another chair. Mikey then gives him a taste of his own medicine with a legdrop onto a chair to his face (Arabian Facebuster) for the pin. Mikey attacks him with a chair afterward. Decent match, although a cliche ECW tables and chairs brawl. Rating: ***
Match No. 8: Rich Criado vs. NOSAWA. Criado is back for his second match. Does this guy have compromising pictures of Court Bauer or something? NOSAWA kicking the shit out of him early. Criado hits a sitout powerbomb for the pin. No idea what the hell this is all about. Rating: **
Match No. 9: CM Punk & Michael Shane vs. Raven & Norman Smiley. Francine is with Shane. Very nice one piece outfit. Punk grabs the mic. He rips on Orlando and Disney World. Crowd starts the “You Suck Dick” chat. Francine asks the crowd who they’re talking to. Crowd says “You”. Smiley comes to the ring with GI Ho, who shows off her nice ass. Another match out of the broken ECW mold. Punk doesn’t want to start against Raven. Smiley does the same old schtick on everyone. Punk dropped by a Raven right hand. Nice spot as Raven bulldogs Punk and then clotheslines Shane. Smiley clotheslines Punk to the floor. Punk and Shane doubleteam Smiley with kicks. Heels do a phantom tag. Nice suplex by Punk. Then they do a doubleteam suplex on Smiley. Francine gets into the act with a choke on Smiley. Raven with a huge kneelift on Punk. Raven sets up a chair. He gives Shane a drop toehold on the chair. And does the same to Punk. Raven gives Punk a flowing snap ddt (Raven Effect) but Francine breaks it up. GI ho comes in and we get the cat fight spot. Shane gives Ho a superkick. Shane with two chairshots on Smiley. Shane goes to hit Raven with the chair, but Raven ducks and he hits the top rope and hits himself. Raven goes to give him the Raven Effect, but Punk throws powder in his eyes. Punk gives Raven the Raven Effect for the pin. Decent match, but piss poor booking again. We had fire two matches ago and no powder. What’s next, salt in the main event? Rating: **1/2
Match No. 10: Terry Funk vs. Abdullah the Butcher. This match is sad on so many levels. You should be ashamed, Court. At the time, Funk was 59 and Abby was 62. Steve Corino comes to the ring. Funk cuts a promo that we can’t hear. Corino cuts a promo on Funk. Semi-entertaining. Corino says he sent Abby home. Then, of course, when Funk confronts Corino, Abby jumps him from behind. Abby then opens Funk up with a broken bottle. Funk is a mess. He’s also bleeding from his arm. Abby breaks out the trademark fork. Funk gets the fork and digs it into Abby’s scar tissue divots in his forehead. Abby gives him a nut shot with the fork. Haven’t seen that one before. Funk replies with several nut shots of his own. Funk throws a chair at Abby. Abby is one fat fucker. But I would go to his restaurant. Out of nowhere, Funk does a cross body block and pins Abby. This was an old school blood bath not much else to say. An extra star for these guys taking this abuse at their respective ages. Rating: ***
Match No. 11: Mike Awesome vs. Steve Corino for MLW title. And the ECW theme continues, of course. Mike has an Awesome mullet. Awesome attacks Corino at the bell. Awesome hits a release german suplex and then clotheslines him to the floor. Corino backdrops Awesome into the front row. Awesome hits a slingshot shoulder block. Followed by a clothesline. Corino brings a chair into the ring. Chair shot to the head. And another. Corino then ends with a shot to the back. Corino to the top with the chair. Awesome catches him. Huge superplex. Corino barely kicks out. Awesome with three chairshots to the head on Corino. Awesome to the top and he hits a huge chair shot on Corino. Awesome with a sitout powerbomb (Awesome Bomb). Awesome back to the top. Frog splash (Awesome Splash) but Corino kicks out. Awesome brings a table into the ring. He then brings in a second one. Awesome sets up a table in the corner. Awesome goes to throw Corino into the table but he escapes. Awesome goes to clothesline Corino but he ducks and Awesome decks referee John Finnegan. Corino with a superkick but no referee. Awesome gives Corino a throwing crucifix powerbomb into the table. He does the same thing into the second table. He covers Corino but Finnegan slowly counts and Corino kicks out. Fans chant “Bullshit” and they must be talking about the booking. Corino hits Awesome with something but Awesome kicks out. Diamond and Anderson attack Awesome and then hold him. Funk comes out and cleans house with a trash can. Funk throws a chair at Corino but he ducks and it hits Awesome in the face. Corino then covers him for the pin. Bullshit, overbooked Dusty finish. Heels attack Funk afterwards. Corino chokes Funk with tape and then they hang him over the top rope. Dr. Death and the Sandman make the save. Rating: **1/2
Match No. 12: Sandman & Williams vs. Corino & Anderson & Diamond. Sandman challenges heels to an impromptu match. Fans start a “Pussy” chant. They brawl outside the ring. Faces will get a title shot if they win the match. Anderson hits a spinebuster on Williams. Heels hit a triple superkick on Sandman. Funk comes out to even the odds. Funk hits a stunner on all three heels. Sandman hits a senton on Diamond for the pin. Corino and Funk still fighting outside the ring. Now they are behind the bar. Funk is breaking glasses over Corino’s head. Sandman goes into the crowd as his music. Another average match, although this may have been the best due to its length. Rating: ***